Everyone who loses someone to suicide asks WHY they did it. Sometimes death is not immediate, and during the bed side vigil the person explains what led them to such a drastic action. Often they say I didn’t want to die, then describe being in such a dark place, not having the strength or knowing how to get out of it, and thinking it was the only way to stop the overwhelming hurt they were experiencing. Shneidman (1993) refers to this as “psych ache”.

We know how about grief, and the ‘Why” questions, so some may feel it’s better knowing why. But what we also need to consider for the bereaved when they’ve heard this just before their loved one passed, is the enormous additional anguish because no-one could press UNDO or REWIND. Knowing why may be sometime of salve, but knowing they did not truly want to die may be an aggravation.